Behind Those Hazel Eyes
by the2fast2u
Summary: Everything was just like every single time I went to visit the doctor. We did some small talk, he asked me how I was feeling, if I felt like I needed him to fix anything from my glasses and he asked me to read some letters from a distance. So far, so good. Now he just had to dilate my pupils and check to see that once again, nothing was wrong with me cause I would have noticed if t
1. Chapter 1

"Miyuki, help Furuya stretch and come with me. The car is already waiting," Rei said during training before looking at Furuya. "Oh, I almost forgot. The talent scouts are here, Furuya. They said they want to speak to you, so go see the coach after you're done, okay?" We both nodded and she left.

"You heard her, time to wrap up," I said getting up.

"Can't we pitch a little more?" Oh, God. Here we go again. No matter how long we've gone through this, I never can get used to it.

"You heard her, the car is waiting for me and those scouts are waiting for you." I got up and approached him. "Who knows? Maybe you'll be lucky enough to be my pitcher once you graduate."

"We both know you haven't been scouted by anyone yet, Kazuya…" Ouch. True, but ouch. Maybe he had spent way too much time with me and I had started to influence him.

"Still, I've already applied to universities and have been accepted in most of them. You really shouldn't underestimate me."

I managed to make him sit down and started to help him stretch.

"Over a year of helping you stretch and you're still as stiff as a rock. When will you get some flexibility?"

"Never heard you complain about it before…captain" Oh, I made him mad. I wish I had known how to be a more tactful person. Over 6 months of being in a relationship and I still couldn't get over old habits.

"Hey, I'm sorry." He didn't say a word and didn't even look in my general direction. "I'm trying, you know? Really trying here."

"Why is there a car waiting for you?" He said an eternity later.

"Going to the eye doctor." That caught his interest. "Don't worry, there's nothing wrong. Just a regular check-up. They'll dilate my pupils, check I'm not having any problems besides the normal stuff and I'll be back before dinner, okay?" I kissed the back of his neck and he relaxed a little bit. "You better make me proud and get some scholarships, okay? You're not just my boyfriend, you're my pride. I've been working with you for almost 2 years, so if you fail, I fail, get it?"

I pat his back and got on my feet. I was probably more nervous than him. There was no way he wouldn't get scholarships. I mean, who wouldn't want a pitcher who could pitch faster than some MLB professionals? Hell, maybe there were some MLB scouts wanting to save him for a year out there! But I couldn't help being nervous, anyway. It's normal, though, isn't it? To care about that special person and wanting only the best for them?

"Well, then, you better go change and not make them wait. No matter what people tell you, there really is no such thing as being fashionably late."

"You should know…" I couldn't believe it. There was no denying it, he had spent way too much time with me.

"Come again? When has your lovely boyfriend been late to anything?" I walked up to him until we were face to face. Damn it, why did he have to be so fucking tall? There was no way I could act impose myself when I was the shorter one? Granted, he was only 4 centimeters taller than me, but still.

"My _lovely boyfriend_ has never been late to anything." He said calmly while caressing my back. "My _senpai_, however…" I should have seen that one coming.

"Okay, okay, I get it, I'm not the perfect example. But, you should be better than me."

I gave him a quick kiss and stepped back before he got carried away. Not that I didn't want to go on, but we both had things to do. I heard him moan in complain and laughed a little. No matter how long we stayed together and we did that, he wouldn't get used to it and I wouldn't stop finding it amusing.

"Show them your best, okay? I'll promise I'll make you some creamy crab croquettes if you get some good deals with them." I could almost see the stars in his eyes when he thought about his favorite dish. Once again, there was no way I would ever stop finding the little things he did with me and me alone amusing. And with that, I left the bullpen to find Rei waiting impatiently for me at the school entrance next to a car. After some scolding, we got in the car and took off to the eye doctor.

There were some fears I would never understand. Like the fear of heights. Every time I'd go to a tall place, like a mountain or the edge of a cliff, people would freak out. I always found it funny how people were missing one of the most beautiful sights of the world just because they were afraid. Of course, I'd make fun of whoever was with me and walk as close to the edge as possible. Some people just scream at me but some others go to extremes and pull me back – those are the most entertaining one. But I guess I could understand their fear if I thought about it for a while; the whole falling off and not being able to stop until you die probably scares a lot of people.

The fear of hospitals and doctors, however, had always been there in the back of my mind. I could never understand that and I probably never would. What's to fear about a place filled with people that are there to make you feel better? I'd understand it if people told me they're afraid of catching some terrible illness or having some serious injury that could mean the end of them, but fearing the place where those things can be treated is something that will never get through my head, no matter how hard I try.

Maybe, my lack of fear to hospitals has something to do with the fact that I've gone to them regularly ever since I was a kid. Having been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was only 4 years old, I had been visiting doctors at least twice a year just for a regular check-up, so, naturally, hospitals became my second home and doctors became almost close friends of mine.

Rei and I arrived to the hospital and were greeted by the secretary. She crossed my name out from the list of appointments for the day and told us to have a seat, that the doctor would call me in no time. We smiled and sat down. I never did believe secretaries. They always said the doctor would call you in no time and they always took forever. Thank God for technology. I took my phone out and started texting some of the guys from the team while Rei grabbed one of the fashion magazines that were on the table. After some thirty minutes (seriously? Do secretaries even know what "in no time" means?) the doctor called for me. Rei and I stood up and got in the office.

Everything was just like every single time I went to visit him. We did some small talk, he asked me how I was feeling, if I felt like I needed him to fix anything from my glasses and he asked me to read some letters from a distance. So far, so good. Now he just had to dilate my pupils and check to see that once again, nothing was wrong with me cause I would have noticed if there was something out of the ordinary. He did so and then Rei and I went back to the waiting room. This time, however, we had to talk about something or else I would get bored out of my mind since I couldn't text or do anything with my phone cause I couldn't see right. We talked about how the team was doing this year and how we were definitely going to make it to nationals. She also asked me how my relationship with Furuya was going on and I was more than glad to talk about that.

After a while, the doctor called me back and Rei helped me get there and sit on the chair. I could see some strong light, but I couldn't tell exactly what he was doing.

I should've seen it coming.

I should've noticed the way Rei looked in the waiting room.

I should've noticed the way the doctor was talking to me.

But I didn't.

I couldn't believe what I was listening.

This was not happening.

Not right now.

Not when things were going just perfectly.

Yay, first multi-chaptered fic I actually post! I've written one or two, but dropped them and never actually uploaded them anywhere.  
>Anyway, thanks to .com for helping me out with looking for some info needed for this fic and for encauraging me to write a multi-chaptered.<br>Comments and kudos are much appreciated, either here or on my tumblr .com  
>Thank you so much for reading!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

The ride back to the school was awfully long and quite. I saw Rei open and close her mouth, trying to find something to say, but she would always stay quiet, not finding the right words to say. It was incredibly awkward to say the least. Her trying to make me feel better and me not wanting to hear anything she had to say. All I wanted was to get to the dorms and go to sleep. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts, which for once weren't directly related to baseball.

"Just as I thought…" said the doctor. "Are you sure you aren't feeling anything different than usual?" I just stared at him for a while. Did he think I was stupid? I had already answered that question. Of course I wasn't feeling anything different than usual; I would have told him so if that had been the case. I shook my head after a while and the silent only grew. "I see…well, Miyuki, you must have heard that diabetes can cause other diseases, right?"

"Of course I did, I've had it my whole life. It's all doctors have told me for ages." Seriously, did he think I was stupid or something?

"Where are you heading to, doctor?" Rei asked. It was nice having somebody who could say exactly what I wanted to say in a more delicate way than I would have.

"Well…I'm sure this won't come as a surprise to you. Among the different diseases caused by diabetes, there's…well, there's vision loss."

My mind went numb after that. It was all happening again. It couldn't be happening again. There was just no way this was happening again. No more. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted this to stop. I hadn't done anything to get this. Why was it happening? Why was it coming back? I was told this was a possibility, but I didn't want to believe it. No more. I can't take it. I don't want to…

"Miyuki, are you listening?" Rei's voice brought me back from my thoughts. I nodded and took a deep breath. Maybe this wasn't what I was thinking at all. I had to keep a cool mind. I couldn't let this get to me.

"As I was saying," started the doctor, "diabetes can cause vision loss. This is called Diabetic Retinopathy and it can be…"

"I know," I said suddenly.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said I know. I've had it. It can be operated, right? I shouldn't be worried, right? Everything will be okay, right?" I only noticed I had raised my voice when Rei put her hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath and went on. "But that's not the case, is it? You and I both know that's not the case. There's no going back. I will never get back what I've already lost. And the truth is there's no telling if I'll ever get it back. And, even if the operation goes well, you can't really tell me whether or not I'll be able to keep playing, can you?"

The doctor looked as if he had been told that everything I had said was some groundbreaking news. Well, I guess patients don't normally say this kind of things to his face every day. It took him some time to get his calm, professional attitude back.

"Well, no, I can't assure you that there is no possibility whatsoever that you will get this disease back. And I can't tell you that we can get back the sight that you have already lost. However, what I can assure you is that we can stop it from immediately getting worse. You may have to get operated once again in the future, but…"

"How long?" I asked.

"Excuse me?"

"How long will I have to be out of baseball practice after the operation?"

"Well, that would depend on many factors…"

"How long, doctor?" Rei was obviously starting to lose her patience as well.

"At least three months…in total. We would have to operate both eyes and we can't do both operations too close to each other."

"Three months," I whispered to myself. That means I would barely make it to nationals, if I made it at all.

"Does he have to fix the operation date right now?"

"No, of course not. Of course, the sooner he gets operated, the better, but I completely understand if he wants to take some time to decide on which date works best for him."

The room got far too silent for far too long. We just stayed there, almost like statues, for an eternity. Rei was looking at the doctor as if she were expecting for him to say something else, the doctor was looking at me with obvious pity in his eyes and I was looking at the hands in my lap, begging to wake up and realize this was all a nightmare. But I never did. Because this wasn't some dream. This was reality. And it sucked. Big time.

"If that's all, we'll be taking our leave. Thank you very much, doctor." Rei got up and shook his hands before heading to the door. I copied her and soon enough we were in the car once again.

Once we got back, we thanked the driver and I made a beeline to my bedroom.

Of course, thought, I found Furuya waiting there. Perfect, just perfect. Don't get me wrong, I will always love him, but right now all I wanted was to lock myself in my room and not talk to anybody for the rest of the day. I swallowed my bad temper as soon as I saw him, though. He was looking so good and proud and happy that I couldn't simply insult him and push my bad mood towards him.

"So, how did it go, Satoru?" I asked him as interested as I could at the moment.

"You'll never guess," he started, and I could feel his excitement even though he barely showed it. But I could see it there, it was so obvious to me, I couldn't understand how people could look at him and think he was emotionless. "I got scouted for the New York Yankees. Can you believe it? I'll be playing in a professional field as soon as I finish high-school. Also, you were accepted in NYU, right, Kazuya? That means we'll be close, even if we don't play together."

It was some great news and I couldn't have been any happier for him. However, there was one thought that couldn't leave my mind. "This will be our last year as a battery, then," I said before I could stop myself and I know I shouldn't have before I saw the change in his expression. He probably hadn't thought about that and now I was ruining it for him. I shouldn't have said that. I should have congratulated him and headed straight to the kitchen and cook for him just like I had promised him. That's what a good boyfriend would have done. That's what I should have done. But I didn't. And I regretted it as soon as I did it.

He was a much better boyfriend than I was, though. He knew what to do even when I didn't. But I couldn't get used to that or to how unpredictable he could be sometimes, so when he hugged me out of nowhere, I went stiff for a second before relaxing and wrapping my arms around him. "This just means I'll have to take us to nationals no matter what. I have to make our last year our best."

And with that I made up my mind – there was no way I was telling him what the doctor had said to me.

Once again, thanks to .com for helping me look for some imformation for this chapter and for encouraging me to write.  
>Also, thank you so much for the kudos!<br>Comments are always appreciated, either here or on my tumblr .com


	3. Chapter 3

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked me. I couldn't believe it. How…how did he find out? He wasn't supposed to. He was supposed to stay oblivious until after nationals and then I would go to the doctor and get the surgeries to save whatever sight was left.

"Who told you?"

"That's what you're going to tell me?" He was mad, I could tell as much. But he shouldn't be. I was doing this for him. I was doing this so we could have one last tournament together. Why couldn't he see that?

"I…I didn't want you to find out. You wanted us to go to nationals and…" I was losing my voice.

"And you think I care more about a tournament and a national title than your health?" I had never heard him raise his voice. And now that I had, I knew that I never wanted to hear it ever again – it was heartbreaking to say the least. I couldn't speak after that. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I was just staring at the floor. I had never felt this level of humiliation in my life. "I thought you trusted me more than this. I thought you knew how much you meant to me."

We both stayed silent for a while after that. All I could think about what how he had said "meant", past tense. Was that just an honest mistake? Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, it could happen to anyone. But…could he have meant it? Could it be? This couldn't be. Not like this. Not right now. I opened my mouth but he was speaking before I could utter a sound.

"Guess I was wrong."

He said it so calmly, like it was no big deal. But I could see the look in his eyes. That hurt, that pain…that hatred.

"What…what do you mean?" Say whatever you want, but I actually had some emotions. I didn't like to show them, but they were there.

"We're done, Miyuki."

And with that, he turned and left. He walked out of the room and out of my life. I was left standing there, right in the middle in the room for a while. Eventually, I started to feel something warm going down my face. I touched it and then rubbed my eyes for a while. When I put it down, everything was dark. I tried to open my eyes, but the light wouldn't come. I looked around, trying to find something, anything. But I couldn't. Everything was pitch black. I started to walk – there had to be a light switch somewhere. I started moving forward and I was met with a body. I fell to the floor and looked up.

"You know you brought this on yourself. Why are you looking at me like that?" I could never not recognize that voice. It used to always bring me happiness and now it did all but that. "You're an idiot, Miyuki. I can't believe I ever fell in love with you."

I opened my eyes and stared at the roof for a while. I sat on the bed and tried to control my breathing. It was just a dream, nothing but a dream. Satoru hadn't found out, he wasn't mad at me, he wasn't leaving me. We were still good, I could still avoid confrontation. I just needed to calm myself. I didn't realize I was crying until I rubbed my eyes some minutes later.

I put my glasses on and checked the time on my phone. 5.50 AM. No use in getting back to sleep, the alarm would be going off in ten minutes, anyway. I stretched and got out of my room. I didn't really mind summer. Hot temperatures didn't bother me all that much. The sun coming out this early in the morning, however, was something I would never be a fan of. It was just too damn early to have sunlight in your eyes.

I went to the toilet and then headed for the cafeteria to get some breakfast. I wasn't surprised to find it empty. I mean, it would have been weird if somebody had actually been there. Most of the members were barely hitting snooze for the first time. Maybe some of them were actually getting up, but even that would be weird for them. I served myself some rice and prepared some tea before choosing a place to sit down. I sat down and started thinking. He might get mad if he found out through others. Satoru wasn't one to show many emotions, so it's not like I could evaluate from previous times when he could have been offended. I was pretty much in the dark right now. I couldn't tell him, though. If he knew, he would definitely tell me to get the operation done, even if that meant us not playing together in national, or even ever again. I didn't want that. I wanted us to win nationals together one more time. So I had to keep my mouth shut for three months, and then I'd go to the eye doctor. Simple. But seeing would get harder and harder every day, so I would have to be really careful that-

"Kazuya…are you here? Hey, Kazuya!" I came to when I felt a strong hit on the back of my head.

"Hey, what was that for?" I looked up and saw Satoru looking back at me. How long had I been spacing out for him to be here already?

"You looked like you weren't really here, so I had to bring you back." He held his chopsticks up and started eating. "Your food is cold, by the way." I couldn't believe he was actually right about that. Seriously, how long had I been lost in thought before he brought me back?

"Maybe I actually wanted some cold breakfast considering how hot it's getting." Even if I said that, I knew he probably realized I was lying. Not only did I not mind the hot weather, I really hated cold food, especially first thing in the morning.

"You still owe me my creamy crab croquettes. I haven't forgotten about that." I liked him a lot better when he didn't eat as much.

"I know you remember, you don't have to remind me." He nodded once and kept eating. "Wanna prepare them after class? We have some time before practice and that way they'll be ready for dinner." His eyes started glimmering with that and he nodded once again. I couldn't help but smile at him right then. Yeah, he didn't have to know yet.

Classes were as boring as they could get that day. Class after class I couldn't help but space out every 5 minutes. No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts went back to Satoru and my sight. I may not tell him, but there was no guarantee that Rei wouldn't tell coach, who would either force me to get the surgery or leave the team and, with that, he would find out for sure. There was also my father. Rei had the obligation to tell him and there was absolutely nothing I could do about that.

Sooner than I thought, I was picking up Satoru for lunch and we headed off to the backyard. If he noticed me act any differently, he didn't show it. We were having lunch, just like any other day. This is what I wanted it to be.

"Oh, Miyuki-senpai, there you are," little Kominato said as he was approaching us.

"Huh? What is it?" Satoru looked just as confused as I was. It wasn't weird for members of the team to come looking for me during class hours, but never during lunch; it was almost as if that were some sacred moment for all of us.

"Takashima-sensei is looking for you. She's at the coach's office, said to go as fast as you can." This was weird. What could possibly be so urgent that it couldn't wait until practice?

"Okay. Thanks, Kominato. I'll be there in a bit."

And with that, he left. I stayed and finished my lunch with Satoru in silence.

"Well, then, I'm going to meet with Rei. See you after class." I looked both ways to check that there wasn't anybody in sight and gave him a quick peck. I knew he wasn't too fond of PDA, but the chance to see his blushing face was too good to miss it.

"See you after class…Kazuya."

"Rei? May I come in?" I knocked the door as soon as I got there.

"Yeah, come in, Miyuki."

"Hey, what was so urgent? Couldn't it wait to…?" I stopped mid-sentence when I looked up. "Father."

"Hello, Kazuya."

Calm down, Kazuya. You knew this was happening. She had to call him. It's her job. She can't not call her. Calm your breathing. Relax.

"Have a sit. I think this may take a while," Rei said in her professional tone. Of course she was using that tone: my father was here and we weren't going to be discussing some minor details. She always called him after going to the doctor and it was never a short meeting, so how could I expect this one not to be long?

"Takashima told me you went to have your eyes checked yesterday." I simply nodded. "What did he tell you?"

"I have retinopahy in both eyes once again." I said looking down.

"Well, then, there's no use crying over spilt milk, we knew this could happen any time." He took a deep breath and sit up straight before continuing. "So, when's the first operation?" Rei looked at me as if she wanted to tell me she knew what I was thinking.

"I'm not having any operations," I barely whispered looking down.

"Excuse me?"

"I said I'm not having any operations. I'm done, I don't want them."

"What do you mean you don't want them?"

"Precisely that. I don't want to go to any surgeon. I've accepted it, so it's done. I'm not doing it."

He punched Rei's desk and got up. "What do you mean with that? What about your future? You know you can't play baseball without your sight, right? There's simply no way to do it."

"I don't care."

"And university? You've already been scouted, Kazuya, don't act like a little kid."

"I haven't been scouted for my baseball abilities! I've had to apply in a regular way to every single university and I was accepted because of my grades! I just want to finish this year and there's nothing you can-" I stopped screaming with a slap on my face.

"Don't you dare raise your voice to me! I'm your father, not one of your team mates."

"I just…I just wanted to finish this year with this team…" I was back to barely whispering. "I wanted to take this team to nationals one last time."

"It's because of that bastard, isn't it?" I clenched my fist. I could handle him hitting me, but not insulting him. "I was okay with your decision about your sexuality, it's none of my business. But you're ruining your life with this and I'm not about to see how my son ruins his life for a stupid romance."

The silence that followed was as awkward as it could get. My dad was staring at me, Rei was looking back and forth between us and I was left with my eyes on the ground.

"I can't tell you how to live your life, Kazuya. I know I haven't been the best father throughout these years, but I can assure you, I've been trying my best." There was silence in the room once again. "If your decision is final, then I guess there isn't much I can do about it. I can suggest you reconsider, but I can't force you to do anything. You're going to university in less than a year; you are old enough to make your own decisions. I can only hope you don't regret it later."

Having said that, he got up, shook Rei's hand and left. Rei and I stayed looking at each other for a while before I left, saying I better look for Satoru before he got worried. I made a mental note to thank Rei for not calling coach for this conversation.

I found Satoru in his classroom talking to Sawamura and little Kominato. Well, I say "talking" but I guess "listening" would be more accurate. As soon as he saw me, he left the other two to meet me.

"What was so important?"

"Oh, it was nothing. My dad came to know what the doctor said."

"I never really asked, did I?" There was concern in his eyes, mixed with a glimpse of guilt.

"Hey, don't sweat it. There was nothing wrong. I told you, didn't I? It was just a regular check-up and I was back before dinner." He still didn't look convinced. "Rei just likes me to be there because she doesn't like talking about my health if I'm not there, okay? Don't worry about it."

"We're still making the croquettes before practice, right?" He said after a while.

"Definitely," I answered with a smile on my face.

Yeah, he didn't have to find out.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm so, so, so, so, so, so sorry this chapter took so long. The thing is I had the beggining and the end of the fic all planned out, but I had absolutely no idea what to do in the middle, so...yeah, writer's block-ish.

But I'm back and I don't think the following chapters will take too long cause I've sort of decided what will happen next.

Also, check out this amazing fanart by exia-art for last chapter! post/102379186763/well-this-is-for-my-friends-furumiyu (And check out the rest of her stuff because it's really amazing)

Anyway, without any more notes, enjoy the chapter!

The following weeks went out as they normally would: waking up early, breakfast, morning practice, shower before class, lunch with Satoru (sometimes with the addition of another second or third-year), more class, practice, shower, dinner and back to bed for a good sleep before starting it all over again five days a week. I don't know why I expected them to be any different, it's not like I would lose my sight overnight and suddenly everybody would notice. Although a part of me probably wished that would have been the case; I never liked keeping secrets, let alone from people I actually care about, and having to lie to Satoru straight to his face 24/7 was starting to prove harder than I initially thought.

It was gradual, so I didn't notice it at first, but there were definitely parts of my vision that were getting harder to see properly. I really thought I was taking perfect control of the situation and keeping it hidden from everybody else. But obviously that was a huge underestimation of my friends. Granted, I probably thought that since I was used to reading people, I could see when they were starting to notice and change tactics or whatever. What I didn't take into consideration, however, was that focusing my sight would take away from me some of the energy I normally save for checking anything and everything around me. So it was just a matter of time before Kuramochi approached me.

"Sorry, fellas, I'm gonna have to steal him from you this lunch," he said to Satoru and his group one day. I had no idea of the storm that was ahead of me at the moment. He simply grabbed be from the neck and pushed me from the door of our classroom back to our seats and started eating. It wasn't until after the second-years had exchanged some long questioning looks, stared at us for a moment and eventually left that he started speaking. "Shouldn't you change the prescription for your glasses?" he said casually, as if he were talking about the weather.

"Huh?"

"You stared at the blackboard for a really long time before you even grabbed your pen and started writing. Either your glasses no longer work or you have forgotten how to read."

I didn't know what to tell him. No, my glasses were obviously not working perfectly, but it was almost useless to get new ones by now. After all, it was just a matter of time before things started going black bit by bit. But I never thought not changing my glasses would be such a stupid giveaway.

"I'm just tired," I said after a while. "I've been analyzing the teams strong and weak points for our next opponent until late at night lately; it's getting hard to even keep my eyes open." There, safe. He couldn't see past that one. I mean, I wasn't necessarily lying, I _had_ been staying up until late to prepare new strategies, but I was still getting the bare minimum amount of sleep to function like a normal person.

"Is that so…?"

"Yeah, that's so. I didn't think you'd care so much about me, I feel honored."

"Shut up, idiot, or I'll stop using Sawamura for my martial arts' practice and use you instead." We laughed for a moment and finished our meals. "But seriously, though, get those glasses checked up. Wouldn't want to see you getting hurt because you couldn't see our little monster's fastballs," he said when the bell rang. Well, maybe he had a point. I'd have to talk to Rei about that.

Classes went by smoothly after that. Practice was hard. I didn't know if my vision had suddenly gone bad or if I was just starting to notice it because Kuramochi had pointed it out earlier. I tried to push the thought to the back of my mind – we had a game in less than 24 hours, this was no time to start thinking about that.

However, when the sun came down, everything I had been trying to do became harder. I didn't remember the night being so dark. I finished with the pitchers a lot earlier than usual, told them it was to keep them rested for the game, and started running.

This was just going to hell. I thought I had a lot more time before this started to happen, but it was pretty obvious I was wrong. I would be lucky if I made it to nationals the way it was advancing. No, what was I thinking? I had to make it. I had to make it to nationals with the team once again. I had promised them and they trusted me. We had to stand on that mound once again. We had to taste victory once again. I was graduating, I wanted to have that taste of victory one last time before I left. I wanted to have it together with this team. I wanted to win with them. I wanted all of us to celebrate together. I didn't want to have any regrets about this year, and failing to meet everybody's expectations would be a huge regret I would carry for a really long time.

"I thought I told you you had to be rested for tomorrow's match," I said to the person I had just noticed was following me. "You know what will happen if we lose, right? No more tournament." Even after saying that, he ran by my side without saying a word. "Everybody has huge expectations about you. You know that, right?" Still, nothing. We ran one or two more laps in silence. It was starting to kill me. He had always been silent, but he was obviously doing it on purpose this time. "I wouldn't want to see you losing control because you were tired and your stamina ran out."

"I've improved that and you know it." Finally. We stopped shortly after that, both of our chests rising and falling heavily as we tried to catch our breath.

"Why aren't you at the dorms?"

"You were acting weird today, I was worried." Damn, I must've been really obvious if even he realized it.

"Don't sweat it, it's nothing. I didn't sleep well last night, so don't worry."

"I didn't want to bring it up, but…you have been acting weird for a while now, Kazuya." What? Weird for a while? "At first I thought it had something to do with classes or maybe practice, but you've never let something bother you for too long, so I started getting worried."

I froze for a second. I must've been acting really weird lately for Satoru to pick it up and actually get worried about it. Thank god we had been running so I could say that was the reason I was hyperventilating.

"You're melting my heart, Satoru. I'd never thought I'd get you so worked out about me." I had to make him believe everything was normal, just like always.

"Kazuya…"

"Come on, don't act so serious. I'm telling you it's nothing. You're probably just imaging it." No. Stop. "It's getting hotter and hotter every day, maybe that's been affecting you."

Silence.

"You don't want to tell me?" More silence. "You don't trust me?"

What? What was he talking about? Of course I trusted him. I trusted him with everything I had. I was doing this _because_ I trusted him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can tell when something's wrong. I Just…I wish you told me about it." I closed the distance between us and held him in my arms.

"I trust you. Believe me, you are the person I trust the most in this entire world." I kissed him before continuing. "There's nothing wrong, okay? If there was anything wrong, I'd tell you right away, don't even doubt that. I love you, Satoru."

"I love you too, Kazuya."

"Rei, I need to talk to you for a minute. I need to go to the eye doctor one more time."

"You changed your mind? Okay, I can call and fix a date for the operation…"

"No, you don't understand," I interrupted her. "I want to change my glass prescription."


	5. Chapter 5

I have no excuses for this. I'm a terrible human being. I tried writing as fast as I could, I swear, but things just never worked out like I wanted them to. Thanks so much to .com for being my beta and reading what I wrote all the times I sent her something!

I was lying in bed when I heard somebody knock on the door. I really wasn't in the mood to answer to anybody. I just kept replaying those 2 weeks in my head like a broken DVD. But it was worse than a DVD, because, with movies, you can only see and listen to what is going on. It may make you go mad, but that's all you can do. With memories, you remember everything: every smell, every sound, every touch, every thought, every little thing that lead to the next moment. And you can almost sense when things started going downhill. But, hey, you can always see those things one they've already happened. Nobody would lose a bet if they knew the results after all.

"Miyuki, open up."

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! That's all I wanted: silence! Why couldn't they just leave me to myself? Was it so hard to understand? I had fucked up big time and this was me sulking about it. I needed this.

"Miyuki, come on, don't act like this. You haven't gotten out of your room for anything other than classes." Seriously? I hadn't noticed. Thanks for pointing that out. Now, leave. "At least open the door, I brought you dinner." I still didn't answer. Maybe if I stayed quiet he'd think I was asleep or dead and leave me the fuck alone.

I heard the sound of the plate being placed on the ground and footsteps leaving and waited for a while. When everything was quiet and I was sure I was alone, I got up, grabbed the plate and went back in. I didn't know how much I would actually eat from it, but at least that way people wouldn't know I was basically starving myself.

It wasn't until I was eating that I started remembering once again. It was just as painful as before and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I would have to take that pain and carry it for as long as it'd take. That was just the price I would have to pay for being an insensitive prick like I had always been.

"So, how do they feel?" Rei asked me when we got back from the eye doctor. "I can barely see the difference, but I guess that's just what you wanted."

"Yeah, that was the idea. I don't know, they feel better, but only just. I mean, I can focus a little better but there's a part that just won't come back." I looked at her and kept talking before she could say anything else. "This is what I want, so don't even try to convince me otherwise, Rei. I won't get any surgery." She sighed. "And, anyway, it's not like surgery could change that. Think of it like a camera: if it's out of focus, you can always fix it, but once it starts getting broken from the inside, there's only so much you can do until you have to get a new one."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" She asked for the tenth time in less than two minutes.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'll be perfectly fine. There's only some weeks before we win nationals. I promised I'd do it then, didn't I?"

"Yes…yes, you did. I'm just very concerned, that's all."

"I know you are, and thank you. But there's absolutely nothing to worry about, I've got everything in control."

I could tell from her look that she didn't believe me, but she didn't push it. I was grateful to her at the moment. I didn't think I'd regret that just weeks after that. We arrived at the school and I went straight to the locker room, got changed and went to practice with Sawamura. Satoru was on field practice for a while, but there was something weird about him. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it seemed like he wasn't 100% focused on what he was doing. I tried not to think about it and to put as much attention to Sawamura as I could.

Of course, it was proving a lot harder than I had thought and it was obvious that I was failing when he asked me if there was something on my mind. If that idiot could see it, then I must've been really out of it.

"It's okay," I said to him. "Don't think about it, focus on your pitching. You're not raising your leg as high as you did, concentrate on that." He didn't look too convinced, but he kept his mouth shut and did as I told him. I gotta admit it, I never thought he would improve so much, but here we were.

After a while, Sawamura was sent to run and it was time for pitching practice with Satoru. I thought he would be excited as he always was about it, but as we were warming up, I could still see that off look in his eyes. It wasn't too noticeable, so that would explain why nobody had called him on it, but it was definitely there. He looked calm, a little bit too calm, the way he looked when he was thinking hard about something but didn't want anybody to figure it out. I know I should've respected his right to keep his thoughts to himself, but I was too curious about it. I had to know what was going on in that head of his that was more important than pitching. It wasn't until he pitched so hard I almost couldn't catch it that I asked him what was wrong.

"Nothing." He threw a little too hard again.

"Seriously?" I threw it back to him. "Doesn't look like it," I said, getting back in position.

"Maybe you should get your glasses fixed, captain. You don't seem to be seeing properly." He threw even harder than before. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with _me_."

"What do you mean?" I didn't give him the ball with that. I got up, took my helmet off and approached him.

"Nothing, Miyuki. We should be practicing. Nationals are just around the corner."

"I don't give a flying fuck about nationals right now. Tell me what's going on, I can't understand you." He stared at me and I stared back for a while, until I eventually gave up and looked down at the floor. "Please, Satoru, I know that something's going on in that head of yours and I'm trying to figure out what it is but I can't and I need your help with this." I was begging him at this point. I still can't believe I did that, and by the way he was looking at me, I could tell he couldn't either.

"I'm really worried about you. You've been acting strange lately. You don't look like you're really in the game, even when you're up to bat. It's like you're always thinking about something else." I couldn't read his face at this point. He looked tired, but not quite. It was the same expression he had when we stayed up late with homework or studying for finals. The way he looked when he was far too tired to keep going but he knew he couldn't give up. "I thought you would eventually tell me what was going on. That, maybe, if I waited long enough, you would tell me. Or that it was something small, like maybe something was wrong with your grades, but I asked Kuramochi-senpai and he said you were doing just fine. Then I thought it had something to do with your family, but I heard you talking to your father the other day on the phone and you sounded normal." I was shocked. He had thought this much about me. He knew me this well. Nobody had ever gotten this worried about me. Granted, I normally pushed people away before they could even get to know me enough to notice such subtle changes in my life. I was touched by this. He would never stop surprising me, and I was just rediscovering this. "Then, I thought…what if there was something wrong with me?" This brought me back from my thoughts in no time.

"What?" What the hell was he talking about? Something wrong with him? What could possibly be wrong with him?

"Well…I just thought that…"

"No, no, no, no. Stop right there." Seriously, he was looking surprised because I had stopped him when he was talking this much nonsense? "Don't ever think there's something wrong with you, okay? I may not be the best showing emotions and I may act like a douchebag sometimes, but trust me when I tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are absolutely perfect, okay?" He didn't look quite convinced. I was running out of ideas of what to do to make him believe me. "How can I prove you that there's nothing wrong?"

He didn't even have to think for a second before giving me an answer.

"Tell me what's going on. And be honest."

Damn it. I should have seen that one coming, but I didn't. So I just stayed there, staring, thinking, doing nothing. It could have been seconds or hours that I simply stared at nothing in particular for all I cared. I just wanted time to stop, to give me time to think. I wanted to be able to tell him everything, but I knew he would get mad. I knew he would scream at me, or, even worse, he would just stare at me without uttering a single word and walk out of my life forever. I didn't think I could live with either of those options, so I panicked. I started thinking faster than I had ever thought in my entire life. When he was about to leave, I grabbed his hand.

"It's a surprise, okay?" He looked at his hand and then at me back and forth a couple of times before sighing.

"Seriously?"

"I promise. If I could, I would tell you, but that would just spoil it, wouldn't it?"

"Is it food?"

"If it were food, it would mean I've already given you the surprise a lot of times, don't you think?"

"Yeah…I guess you're right about that one."

You could almost feel him relax after that. His shoulders relaxed, his face went back to normal and there was some light back in his eyes I didn't know I was missing. If I'm being honest, I didn't think that would work out. I thought he would see right through me and get even madder, but I was desperate and didn't even think about what would happen when he found out the truth.

Looking back, that was probably the moment everything went to hell and I would love to change if I could. I should've just told him. I should've told him at least part of the truth and told his there was nothing he could do to make me change my mind. But I didn't.

For the next couple of days I thought everything was back to normal. My daily schedule was back to normal and Satoru looked a lot calmer than he had the previous days. I almost caught him smiling during lunch a couple of times.

I was watching a video of our next opponents when Kuramochi entered the room. We were silent for a while, just watching and taking notes. It was only when the video finished and he started talking that I knew he wasn't there to talk about baseball.

"Guess you took my advice." I didn't understand and I suppose my face showed it because he clarified soon after. "Your glasses. They're new, aren't they?"

I stared in disbelief for a moment before answering. "Yeah. How…how did you…? I mean, they look the same, at least to me."

"They do. I may have scratched the old ones. Just wanted to make sure I was right."

It was silent for a while. I didn't know what to say to him. He had figured it out, so it was probably just a matter of time before he told coach and that would mean my time as a high-school baseball player would be over. I looked down at my notepad and stared at the notes I had dribbled down while watching the video. It was going to be our first match in nationals in a couple of days; I didn't want to miss any little detail that might ensure us the victory. The silence in the room was almost unbearable: I knew what he wanted to say and I also knew I didn't want to hear any of it. My mind was set in winning our national title and absolutely nothing would make me change my mind. I got up from my seat and he followed right after. Guess there was no way out of this conversation.

"How bad is it?" he asked staring directly into my eyes. I tried to hold the stare for as long as I could, but soon after I was redirecting my gaze towards the clock on the wall behind him.

"Not too bad. All I needed was some new glasses and my vision is back to normal." I had told this to myself so many times, it was no surprise to me that it had come out so fluently. But apparently it was to him.

"You're not fooling me with that. Coach and Furuya and everybody else on the team may believe that bullshit, but I know you, Miyuki, and I know when you're in pain. And no matter how well you may think you're pulling off whatever it is you're pulling off, I can tell that you're not playing at your best."

We went back to simply staring at each other once again. It was as if one of us would admit defeat if he were to break it and we were both too stubborn to do so, so we just stayed like that, staring and doing absolutely nothing else.

"Why didn't you say something?" He looked sad, almost melancholic when he said those words. I didn't even have to think for a second before I gave him an answer.

"Come on, it's just a minor thing. It could've happened at any moment and it's not too serious." I gave him the best smirk I could manage at the moment. "Besides, everybody hides a minor injury like this, it's not like I'm the first one to do it."

He looked like I had physically smacked him with those words. We were silent once again and all that could be heard was the ticking of the clock, the white noise from the TV and our breathings. I turned and headed for the door when he talked once again.

"That's what Ryou-san said, you know?" That stopped me dead in my tracks. I had deeply admired last year's seniors and Ryousuke had been no exception. "He even asked me not to say anything. I still can't believe I listened to him." There was obvious pain and regret in his voice and I hated that I had been the reason he was talking about this. "He's still not playing, you know? Still in rehab and the doctors say he was lucky he stopped at that game or it would've been much worse…I don't want that to happen to anybody else. I don't want any more of my friends being hurt and just stand by watching knowing I could've done something about it." This was just as hard for him to say as it was for me to listen, I was sure of that. "But I know there wasn't much I could do back then. I could only tell him to stop, but that was almost impossible for me. He was a senior and I respected him too much to contradict him. But you're different, Miyuki. I can actually do something for you. And if I have to use my title as vice-captain to get it, I can assure you that…"

"You wouldn't." I cut him before he could finish. I knew he was serious, but I just had to push what I wanted and force him to understand that I wouldn't change my mind no matter what he said. Not even if he brought our respected seniors to the table. "You may be the vice-captain, but I'm still the captain. I will make the final call, not you."

"I don't want to see you hurt, Miyuki. And I don't want this to affect the performance of the team any more than you do." I was about to speak before when he cut me off. "And if you think I won't talk to the coach if I see your performance drop even the slightest bit, you are wrong. I'm just as serious about winning nationals as you are." That left me speechless. I had no doubt that Kuramochi was the best vice-captain I could ask for, but I never knew that it would work against me at one point. I had to keep my cool and act like what he had just told me hadn't affected me at all. I had to make him believe I was in complete control of the situation no matter what.

"I would expect no less from you," I said as calmly as I could. "If you ever believe I'm a burden to the team, tell the coach right away. That's your job after all, I guess." He was surprised at my comment and, if I'm completely honest, I was too. I didn't want him to stop me, but a part of me knew that if it would be much better for me to leave if I was holding the team back and let them play so that we could win. He simply nodded at that and, when it was clear that none of us had anything else to say, I left to my room and went to bed. We had only one practice before our last national tournament started and I knew the next following days would be very long to me.

I wasn't mistaken: the following day couldn't have been any longer even if the world had stopped and an extra hour was added to it. I could feel Kuramochi's stare all day long: during breakfast, morning practice, during our break. Damn, I could even feel him staring at me while we were showering! It was as if he was trying to break me, waiting for the slightest show of weakness for him to prove me wrong and get me off the starting lineup. I had to be extra cautious, but it wasn't impossible.

I was about to go to bed when I saw Satoru sitting in the bleachers. I stop and stared at him for a moment. To anybody else, he probably looked just as normal. He was just sitting there, with his elbows on his knees, leaning a bit forward. But there was something more. I couldn't quite put my finger in it, but there was definitely something more.

"Hey," I said as I got closer. He looked at me and said nothing. Instead, he nodded his head and went back to look forward. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk to me, I was sure of this. He was just being himself, only a little bit enhanced by some nervousness he was trying to hide and I was only just noticing. "You'll do great tomorrow." I wanted him to relax so that he…no, _we_ could enjoy the game.

"It's our last one together," he said softly. "The tournament, I mean." He was still looking forward but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He looked so determined, so confident, but he also looked afraid, vulnerable even.

"It's not like it's our last one ever. We can still play together in the future." A part of me knew this was almost surely a lie, but I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind.

"It wouldn't be the same, though." There was a moment of silence. I knew he was right, even if I somehow managed to be on the same team as him, it wouldn't be the same: our teammates would be different, our coach would be different, the bleachers would be filled with screams in a different language…

"It's true. Nothing would be the same," I began, and with that he looked at me. "But that doesn't have to be bad. You'd be able to dedicate all of your time to baseball, there wouldn't be late nights studying for classes you know you don't give a fuck about…"

"Yeah, it could be good," he said after a while. "Still, I want this one to be great. I wanna hear the sound of my pitch on your mitt when we win nationals this time."

"You better make my last season last as long as possible, then," I said smiling to him.

"I wish I could make it longer…" I heard him whisper, but I didn't know if it was meant for me or not, so I didn't comment on it.

We sat for a few more minutes in comfortable silence before he started nodding off. I walked him to the room, even when he assured me he wasn't tired. It wasn't until he had closed the door and I was left alone that I realized how hard it was to see beyond a couple of meters. I was lucky the lights were still on. Otherwise, I would've tripped with my own feet.

I got to my room and went to sleep as fast as I could – I really needed to have as much energy as I could during the game.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm so incredibly sorry I left you guys for so long! I tried to upload on christmas since I was leaving on holiday after that, but I couldn't get it finished.****  
><strong>**Thanks for the lovely comments on the previous chapter, they made me super happy to read.****  
><strong>**As a compensation for the wait, here's a long chapter (the previous one was supposed to make it up to this point, but it felt right to finish it before)****  
><strong>**As always, thanks to .com for helping me with the minor details that always make me stop writing for hours.**

It was really hot that morning. It wasn't weird, we were in the middle of summer, but this was a lot worse than I had expected. And to top it all, my head was killing me, and it wasn't even 8 in the morning. Luckily, our match was early – I didn't want Satoru pitching in the afternoon heat if possible. I got up and put my glasses on before heading for breakfast.

Everybody was excited and I couldn't blame them; we had been training hard for this and it was finally here…finally, we were back in nationals. Even I couldn't believe it. We had to be ready to get on the bus in 30 minutes, so breakfast offered a pretty funny scene: the first-years barely being able to eat anything due to the nerves, the managers trying to get them to finish their food, the second-years practically chocking themselves with rise and the third-years trying to keep their cool. Yeah, that was a sight I knew I would treasure for the rest of my life. However, the best part of it was right in from of me: Satoru was chewing slowly, trying not to show his nerves to anyone…man, being the starting pitcher must have been a bigger deal to him than I had ever realized.

"Remember to drink lots of water, we don't want you passing out today of all days, do we?" He just nodded, drank some water and went back to his rice. "Nervous?" He shook his head without taking his eyes off of his bowl. "Seriously?" Another nod. "Anxious?" He stopped eating for a while, chopsticks in mid-air, and then he nodded. "Don't let it get it to you, okay? You've got that number behind your back for a reason, so don't sweat it."

We kept eating in silence after that. After a while, the managers called us to get on the bus. The ride was interesting to say the least. Sawamura was screaming his lungs off, Little Kominato was trying to keep him as quiet as possible while Kuramochi threatened that if he didn't shut his mouth, he would gladly show him some new moves he had just learned, Nori was sitting quietly, although you could tell he was freaking out on the inside, and the first-years had their faces almost out the window trying to get air so as not to puke on the bus. And then there was Satoru, sleeping on my shoulder as if he didn't have a care in the world. I wish I could have grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of him at that moment – he looked so peaceful, so innocent, so goddamn beautiful, I just wanted that moment to last forever. But it couldn't, and soon enough I was waking him up to get to the stadium.

As soon as we got inside, we all stayed quiet for a while, some of us with our mouth open and I swear I heard some bags falling on the floor. We were there. We were finally there. After all those late practices, after all those screams, after all that sweat, after all those tears…we were finally there. The coach was the first to break the silence.

"You worked very hard throughout the entire year and even before that to get to this point. Don't let anyone, not even yourselves, take that pride away from you. You did everything by yourselves and this is the final result." There was a moment of silence. "And now a word from your captain." I let go of Satoru's hand, took a step forward and turned around so I was facing the team. Oh, well, here goes nothing.

"Just as Captain said, we worked hard to get here. We gave 110% every single day in practice and even more during each game. Nobody knows how much effort, how much sacrifice was given throughout this year but us. Nobody knows what all those late nights felt like but us. And nobody will know what standing on top feels like but us." There was a moment of silence when everybody's face started lifting up. "But to do that, we must treat each and every opponent like the last one. We must not show weaknesses, we must give our 200% on every single game, from the first one today to the last one in two weeks." That changed the look on their face a little. Damn, after an entire year I still wasn't good at giving speeches. "Come on, don't look like that, you're taking me too seriously for your own good. You should look like Sawamoron over there…just, with a little less screaming."

"What did you call me, you four-eyed bastard?" Yeah, that lifted everyone's mood. I think I even caught Satoru giving a hint of a smile.

"Come on, guys, we just have to get out there and play our style of baseball and we'll be fine. Now, let's go, our turn to warm up starts in less than 5 minutes."

Warm up went uneventfully, and, in the blink of an eye, we were lining up before the game. You could feel the tension between both teams, especially from our second and third-years. It was as if last year's national championship hadn't been revenge enough for that final match that ended last year's third-years baseball time. We wanted them to feel that pain again. To cut their season short. To see them suffering just like we had suffered. To see them shedding just as many tears as we had, if not more. Yeah, I was aware that revenge never leads to anything, but I didn't think any of us really thought about that at the moment. Seeing the Inashiro team lining up in front of us was making everyone's blood boil instantly. We just couldn't help ourselves – we didn't just want to win, we wanted to be the ones who made them lose, and we'd do everything in our power to achieve it.

We were attacking first with Kuramochi batting first. There was no doubt in my mind that he would get on base: he had always been a fast runner and he had been pushing himself even harder than ever before for the last couple of weeks to not only improve his speed, but also his batting skills. We wanted to win, and, to do that, we needed to be aggressive right from the start. I was batting second, which put somewhat of a pressure on us: if neither the captain nor the vice-captain could get at least a hit on Mei, we wouldn't simply be giving them the momentum of the game on a silver platter, the under classmates would probably freak out and lose their focus. We had to do this, it was our job. All we had to do was get a clean hit and, if possible, get on base to leave the stage ready for Little Kominato.

After a couple of foul balls, Kuramochi sent the ball flying right between second and third base and got easily into first. It was my turn. I just had to do what I did best. I gotta admit it, Mei had improved a lot since the last time we had faced each other, but I couldn't let that distract me, the black spots in my vision were doing that on their own for my mind to start drifting off elsewhere. I had to focus on the places I could see; I had to read Mei and foresee what he was going to do so I could turn my head and actually see where the ball was going. I could do this…it's not like I had never done it before, so there was nothing for me to worry about. After a couple of pitches, I could get a clean hit, though it wasn't as powerful as it should've been and I was out before I could reach first base.

When I reached the dugout, I saw Kuramochi staring at me with a concerned look on his face. I knew what he was thinking about, but it was just bad luck that got me out. I could still play in this game. I turned to avoid his gaze and found Satoru watching me with a strange look in his eyes. I wish he was a little bit more expressive; it really bothered me when I couldn't read a person. Then again, that was probably one of the things I loved the most about him.

"How was his pitching?" He asked after a couple of seconds.

"It's still not as fast as yours, if that's what you're concerned about." I tried joking about it, but he didn't seem to find it funny at all. "It moves slightly right before the plate, so we gotta be careful about that. Other than that, it's just like before. A little faster, maybe, but nothing we didn't count on." There was something that was still bothering him, I had no doubt in my mind about that, but he didn't say anything else and simply joined Sawamura who was screaming his lungs out.

When Kominato's turn came, we had runners on first and third. If he could deliver one of his crazy homeruns, we would take the first three runs and, with that, the momentum of the game. The audience was going crazy, which was normal considering that Little Kominato over there had made quite a name of himself during the year. All we needed was for him to bat like he always did and we would be able to relax a little bit during the remaining of the game.

When I heard his wooden bat break and saw the ball fly out of the park, I released a heavy breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Everything was okay, even if I had been sent out, we still had the lead, and that was all that mattered.

The batters after that had it a bit rougher than us: it seemed like Mei still didn't take giving up runs very well, especially from the pinkhead, and his pitching became a lot more aggressive than before and so we were defending in no time.

The practice pitches went fine…kinda. There was something different from the way Satoru was pitching then from the way he normally did. There was something almost personal about them and I had no idea if it had to do with Mei and the pressure from pitching first in this game or not. I called the umpire and told him we were ready to start. I got down on position and started thinking. First at bat was Carlos…Damn, it looked like we weren't the only ones pulling our best tricks right from the beginning. But we couldn't get him on base no matter what – that guy was too dangerous once he got on base, so our only chance was to strike him out.

I called for an inside pitch and got ready. And that was the moment I realized the pitches weren't different from the nerves or the pressure or anything like that. There was something else, something he wasn't telling me. And it became obvious when he sent me a pitch straight to the middle. We were lucky Carlos missed the timing; otherwise we would have been in deep trouble. I called for a time out and approached him.

"What's with that pitch?" I asked him with my mouth covered.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said looking at the side. God, I didn't need that attitude. It was like we were back at the beginning of last year's first season once again. I thought we trusted each other on the mound after all we had been through together.

"You know very well what I'm talking about. I called for an inside pitch, not that. We are lucky he couldn't hit it."

"I just made a mistake, captain. You don't have to sound so mad." What the…?

"Captain? What is this all…? You know what, never mind that. You and I both know that was no mistake. You know just as well as I do that it was a very conscious decision you made right now. We are a team, remember? You have to trust me a little bit. I thought you did." I turned around after that, but I managed to hear a faint "so did I" from behind.

I got back in position and the game resumed. The sun was right in from of me by that moment, which made my blind spot all the more obvious. I called for another inside pitch and prayed that Satoru would do what I asked him to.

We somehow managed to strike out all three batters with Satoru pitching however he felt like. We were lucky we had the momentum; otherwise, we may have lost some runs. I got inside the dugout and sat down. Focusing my sight was proving a lot harder than before and I was starting to wonder just how much longer I would be able to hide it from everybody else. I was hoping for two more weeks, but it was becoming more unlikely by the minute.

By the fourth inning my head was starting to hurt like hell. I had taken a couple of pain killers, but they didn't seem to be doing much. I massaged my forehead and try to hide it by make it look like I was fixing my glasses. That's when Kuramochi approached me.

"You should rest, you're looking like shit." There was obvious concern in his voice, but all I could register at the time was that he was asking me not to play in the game anymore.

"Can't. I'm the captain, remember." I tried smiling, but even I knew it was doing no good to my case.

"You should rest for the rest of the game _because_ you are the captain. You know better than anyone else that pushing you like this is not only bad for you but for the rest of the team. We are in charge of doing what's best for the team, even if it's not the best for us." I clicked my tongue at that. I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. I had done so much to play those two weeks; there was no way I would be staying out of it.

"If I make one mistake in the game, I'll leave the field. Is that good enough for you?" I stepped to go put my catcher gear on.

"I really wish you didn't have to wait to make a mistake to realize just how horrible an idea this is."

"You're worried about the team. If I'm not a bad player, then there's no risk, is there?" I turned around without even waiting for a reply. I knew he wouldn't agree with my logic, so I just focused on getting ready.

Inside the field, things weren't much better. The pitches I was receiving seemed alive, and if I had to say what was especially bothering me, I'd say it was that I could almost feel hatred from them, but that was probably just me reading too much into it. He was still throwing whatever he felt like throwing, but I had given up on trying to make him listen and decided to simply try to catch anything he threw. If I hadn't been so mad at him or if my head hadn't been killing me or if I hadn't been struggling with my eyes to see the ball, I would have laughed at the situation, saying it took me back to when he had absolutely no control and all he could think about was how amazing it was that he could actually play with somebody. But that wasn't the case. And it may have been the stress of the whole situation or my eyes or my headache or a combination of all three, but all I wanted to do was to scream at him and make him do what we had done best this past year together.

He didn't look like he was thinking something too different from me. Every time I asked for something, he would pitch the exact opposite. It was almost like he was trying to prove me wrong, like he wanted to show me that he was just as good, if not better, at reading the batter as I was.

I couldn't stand that tension between us. I wanted that game to be over so we could go back to cooking dinner and eating it together in my room. I wanted that, not whatever it was that was going on between us.

And then it happened.

I could still see it when I closed my eyes.

I had called for a fastball straight down the middle.

I knew he wouldn't pay attention to me, but I still hoped he would.

Even if he didn't, I would catch it, cause that was my job and I had promised I would always be there to catch whatever he sent me.

But the headache was too big and the black spots were getting more and more annoying.

So I lost my focus for a second.

Unfortunately, one second was all it took.

In the blink of an eye, the ball was in the plate and flying past my mitt. I tried to catch it, but by the time I realized what had happened, it was already too late: the whole stadium had gone quiet, but Shirakawa wasted no time and was running before I could move to get the ball. I threw it to first as fast as I could, but he had already gotten there.

All Seido fans on the stadium were silent. The Inashiro part of the bleachers, however, was cheering as if they had just won the game.

I looked in apology to the dugout, but by the time I turned around, the coach was already out calling for a change.

"Seido High change of players. In the place of #2, Miyuki Kazuya, enters #12, Ono Hiroshi."

At that moment, everything went blank: the sounds, the sights, the feelings…_everything_ left me as I tried to process what I had heard. When Ono stood in front of me, I knew it was real, and my time in the field was over. I gave a defeated smile and left for the dugout.

"You said it yourself: if you made 1 mistake, you would leave the field. I trust you to fulfil your promise." So Coach had heard me talk to Kuramochi. Damn, there was no way things could have gone any worse than they had.

I watched the rest of the game and tried to cheer on the team, but it seemed forced, so I went to the back and tried to keep a low profile.

My mistake is probably what caused us the game, with me being the captain and everything. I gave up the momentum we had held up to that point and lost everything we had been working on for that time. Satoru's pitching didn't look too good after I left, either, and so Sawamura took the mound, but Ono hadn't had actually played on too many games, so it was hard for them to play well together.

In the end, Inashiro took the victory, and that means everything we had all been working for had been taken from us. I saw Mei when we were lining up. He looked happy, of course, but when our eyes met, there was something else. It was almost like he was disappointed in the game we had given them. Oh, well, I could live with that. What bothered me was the presence I felt from my right. I tried to push everything I was feeling from him and bowed and left. It was going to be a long ride back to the dorms, I was completely sure of that.

I sat on the bus and expected him to sit next to me, like always. However, when the bus started moving, I was sitting alone, and all I had with me was a text message telling me we needed to talk as soon as we made it to school. I shut my phone and leaned against the window.

"You wanted to talk?" I told him once we were in my room. I could tell talking here was most likely not the best idea, but I knew neither of us wanted to be interrupted.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Was all he said. Well, "whispered" would be a more accurate verb.

"Who told you?" I didn't even need to ask what he was talking about, I knew he meant about my eyes,

"Not you, and that's all that matters, isn't it?"

"I didn't want to make you worry." It was a terrible excuse and I knew it, but I didn't want him to be mad.

"And lying to me was a better option? This is your _health_ we are talking about – it's not some stupid minor detail! I'm your boyfriend, I thought that meant we were there for each other in this kind of situations!" I had never heard him swear, or raise his voice, for that matter. It made me feel worse than I already did.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I just…I wanted us to go to nationals together once again."

"That didn't work too well, now, did it?"

"I'm sorry," was all I could manage to say.

"I really thought you trusted me, but I guess a trophy means more to you than us."

"No, no! No, Satoru, no, that is _not true_! You mean everything to me, _everything_."

"I don't know if I can believe you, Miyuki. After all, you lied to my face so many times, how can I possibly believe you now?"

I didn't like where he was going. I didn't like it one bit. My vision was starting to feel blurry and it had nothing to do with my health and everything to do with the fact that my worst nightmare was becoming a reality.

"Good-bye, Miyuki."

"No. No! Satoru, please! No!" I saw him walk out the door and I fell on my knees. That couldn't have been happening. It just couldn't. It was probably some horrible dream and I would be waking up in no time.

Except I would never be. Because it wasn't a dream. Satoru had really walked out of my life, and I couldn't say I blamed him.

I stayed on the floor crying non-stop until I heard a knock on the door. I ran to open it only to find Kuramochi saying dinner was ready. When he took a look at me, however, he invited himself in and listened to me cry until I was out of tears. He left to bring me dinner and we ate in silence. After that, he left and I was left alone with my thoughts, and that was the scariest place of them all.

The hours started to pass, becoming days, the days became weeks, the weeks became months and in all that time I couldn't feel less alive. I barely left my room. Eventually, the team started getting worried and bringing me food. I was still going to classes – I had to keep my grades up if I wanted to keep my scholarship in NYU after all. Besides classes, however, I didn't do much. I went to see practice every now and then, but I didn't stay for long before it started feeling awkward and I left.

Graduation came eventually, and, with that, came the goodbyes. Some of our previous teammates were there; some where expected (nobody thought Ryousuke would miss his "precious You-chan"'s graduation), and some weren't as expected (Tanba, for example). The underclassmen were also there. Well, most of them, anyway. I spent the entire evening looking out for him until I heard Little Kominato speaking.

"He's not here. Said he felt like running today."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He didn't push it. Instead, he simply gave me a knowing look and joined the others in the celebration. I stayed where I was for a while and when I had decided I had already cleared up my mind and went back and joined them.

"Don't go forgetting us just cause you managed a fancy scholarship in a fancy university across the ocean, okay?" Kuramochi received me with that comment and I couldn't help but smiling. He knew me better than most, there was no way I would forget him of all people.

"How is a scholarship fancy, anyway?" I asked back and it was soon followed by laughter. It was perfect…almost, but I didn't want to think about that. I was leaving in less than a month and I didn't want my last high-school memories to be sad.

We kept on laughing and talking for a while until my dad eventually came to pick me up since he was worried that I would get myself killed if I walked home by myself with my current vision.

Kuramochi proposed to take a picture, so we did that and with a last goodbye, I left Seido High School.

**Before you leave a comment on how I'm an awful person, this is not the end! Okay? Calm down, calm down, calm down. Are you calm? Okay, good. I'm gonna write the next chapter as fast as I can so that you'll hate me as little as possible.****  
><strong>**Okay, well...bye!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow, I don't think I ever updated this fast, not even when I had just started.****  
><strong>**Anyway, I really wanted to thank all of those who read this and followed/favorited and most of all to those who commented, you were the ones exiax was always bringing up when I got discouraged and wanted to quit.****  
><strong>**This chapter could be considered the ending although I have one more planned out, but since I'm not too sure when or how that one will come out, I decided to thank all the important people now.****  
><strong>**Without further to do, chapter 7**

It had been 2 years after I had graduated from high school when it happened. In that time, a lot of things had happened. I got my eye surgery a couple of weeks after arriving, for starters, so I could give my old man a peace of mind. It wasn't too useful, though: the retinopathy had already taken a lot of my vision, so there wasn't much to do. University life has been going fairly normal: I don't get too teased on my vision – in fact, there are some people who save me the seats on the front of the classroom; I don't really need it, but I appreciate the gesture. Classes bored me a little bit sometimes, but I guess I knew that from the moment I signed up for them – I couldn't exactly expect all classes to be entertaining; I knew I would have something related to Math eventually and there was nothing I could do about it.

My social life was another story completely. I met some cool people on the dorm rooms, but we had the language barrier between us the whole time. It was weird not having anyone who spoke Japanese. That was probably the reason I started dating her. We met in the Programming Languages course on our freshman year. I was still finding it hard to find my way around campus and the attention I was getting from the constant use of shades and the stick wasn't helping me; I know I said I had it easy with the teasing, but people weren't as helpful as I thought they would be towards an almost blind, foreign freshman. I was about to give up and head home, when she saw me and asked me if I needed any help. Both our accents were clearly not natural and forced, and after no time we were talking in our native language. She told me she was also studying Computer Science and that I was actually in front of the classroom I was looking for.

We were almost inseparable after that: we'd meet before our common courses and go together and have lunch together almost every day. We went on a couple of dates to the movies and to the park before I finally asked Hikari to be my girlfriend. It all went smoothly for about a year after that; we were the envy of the dorms, or so I was told. I was learning new things about her every single day and she was learning new things of me. I couldn't picture things any differently for my college life.

That was until she got a call from her father, telling her he had gotten her some yearly tickets for the Yankees stadium and she insisted I went to a game with her. I tried telling her it would be a waste to use the tickets on me, what with my vision…or lack of it. She called it nonsense and told me there was no one she would rather use the tickets be but me, and didn't drop the issue until I accepted the offer a week or so later.

The seats were really good; I didn't even want to know how many strings his dad had to pull so that his daughter could take her almost-blind boyfriend to the games. But Hikari sounded happy to be watching a game with me, so I tried not to think about it too much. She was narrating the whole thing and I can't say I didn't feel excited about being so close to the field once again; it was one of the things I had thought would be impossible after I decided to postpone my surgery, so simply being there made me remember how much I loved and missed the sport. It was a Yankees-Red Sox game and the stadium was going crazy even before the game started. I couldn't help hide my excitement and I could tell Hikari was sharing it when she started narrating the actual game.

It was all going great until she told me the Yankees had asked for a change in pitchers. She said she couldn't recognize the player very well because it was a new member: only started playing that season, some prodigy that his dad had brought all the way from Japan to play baseball who nobody could believe was only 18 years old from how fast he threw…and that's when I couldn't go on listening. It couldn't be the person I was thinking about…could it? I was well aware I could meet him in New York and even more if I was going to a Yankees game, but since he was such a rookie, I was not expecting him to be playing in an official game so soon. I didn't think it would affect me as much as it did, but it was obvious I was wrong. I was in no way ready for it and I wasn't sure I would ever be. It was just too much, too soon. There were too many memories, too many emotions coming back to me at the same time. That first meeting, that first pitch, that first game, that first talk…that first late-night meeting, that first late-night text message, that first smile…that first confession, that first kiss, that first "I love you"…that…that first lie…that first fake smile…that last game…that last pitch…that last fight…that last goodbye…

I didn't realize I had spaced out until I felt a light push from my right. I couldn't see much, but I could see her expression as clear as ever.

"Miyuki, are you okay? Is…is something wrong?" She was almost afraid to ask, almost as if she already knew what was going on in my mind. I hadn't told her too much about Satoru, just barely mentioned that I had dated someone for a little bit over a year during high school and that we broke up after my last game, but she seemed to have figured the rest out from whatever expression I was wearing in my face. I told her I was okay and went back to focusing as much as I could on the game.

We spent the rest of the game in relative silence – she still narrated what was going on, but it didn't feel the same and her voice sounded weird every time she had to mention the Yankees' pitcher. I can't say I blame her, I probably would've reacted the same way she had or ever worse, but it still made me feel awkward. I walked Hikari to her dorm, but we didn't kiss each other goodbye like we usually did, we simply awkwardly hugged each other before I turned around and walked to my own room.

Once I was finally lying in bed at night, my brain didn't stop working for a second. I just kept thinking about the game…and the new pitcher Hikari mentioned. I knew there was no way I would be actually meeting with the guy once again: New York City was a really big place – there were no really chances that we would bump into each other. But I couldn't stop wondering…_what if_. What if we did end up bumping into each other while we were walking down the street? What if we met once again while I was out of campus, going to the movies or something? What would I say in that situation? What if I was with Hikari when it happened? Not that that scenario was very likely with our current state of relationship, but I still couldn't help wondering. I fell asleep before I knew it, and he was in every single one of my dreams that night.

The following week, things were awkward between Hikari and me. We talked, we had lunch and we walked to our courses together, just like we always did, yet something seemed…off. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was obvious that there was something wrong between us.

"I got you a special pass," she said out of the blue during lunch.

"Huh?"

"To see the practice at the Yankees' stadium," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What use would there be for me, an almost blind person, to be at a professional baseball team practice?" I had no idea where she was going with this, but my instincts told me it wasn't good.

"Well, you looked so excited when you were at the game that I thought you might like actually getting the feeling from the practice. Call it a trip down memory lane if you want to." She took a sip from her drink before continuing. "Plus, I'm sure you'll find a good use for it."

"What do you mean?"

"You're a really good guy, Kazuya." She leaned over and held my face kindly. "I know you don't mean any harm, and I really appreciate what you are doing, but I don't wanna get hurt…and I don't want you to get hurt either." I can honestly say I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. "I always knew you had dated someone from your baseball team and it was obvious you loved him very much. I just didn't know you still did."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"It's okay, Kazuya. I really don't mind." She left a paper which I assumed was the all-access ticket she was talking about in my hand and I heard her chair move. "This was one hell of a year, thank you. Tell him he's lucky, okay?" And, with that, I was left alone in the middle of the cafeteria.

I considered not going to the practice for a while, but after thinking about all the begging Hikari must have done to her father and of all the effort he must have put into getting me the ticket, I figured I'd better give it some use instead of simply letting it go to waste. So, here I was, hearing the sound of the pitching machines sending the balls flying to the batters, and the sound of the metal bats hitting the balls as hard as possible, and the sound of runners practicing runs, and the sound of balls hitting the mitts…it was so beautiful I couldn't help my grin and almost felt to tears.

I had the team manager next to me the entire time, just so I didn't walk in front of a pitching machine or a pitcher or a batter. Not like I needed him for that, I had gotten pretty used to making my way around places without my sight; after all, if I didn't, I would get mugged every day the second I left my dorm, not to mention the amount of accidents I would find myself involved in. The manager told me everything I needed to know and even more: what routine most players were following, what their schedules were, what their average earnings were and so on and so forth, and also gave me the "stadium tour" details (what the capacity of the stadium was, how many World Series had been played there, and stuff like that). A part of me was trying _really_ hard to pay attention to what he was telling me, but everything surrounding me, the sound and the smell and the overall feeling I could get from the players, was distracting me so much. He eventually gave up on trying making me listen and simply let me enjoy my visit the way I did the most. I was even allowed to stand in the batter's box, though I wasn't as good as I used to be.

Most of the team members were called to go to the gym after a while, so that's where we headed to. It was an amazing gym – it had everything a sportsman could wish for and even more, and I couldn't help being jealous of them for getting access to it. It was only after a while that I realized one particular member of the team was missing and I took the first chance I got to go back to the field.

I heard ball after ball being sent flying to a net and heavy sighs that followed them, so I went there. Of course, there are a couple of things you can't do while wearing shades, and holding a white stick 24/7 and surprising a person is one of them, so I knew he knew I was there, but he just kept throwing the ball harder and faster each time.

"What did the poor net ever do to you that you hate it so much?" I said when I was some 5 meters away from him

"How did you get access?" Was the first thing he asked me without even turning around after throwing one last pitch.

"My girlfriend…well, I guess now she's my ex-girlfriend's father works for the Yankees and got me an all-access ticket so I could watch the practice." I guess she broke up with me when she gave it to me…and now I could see why she had done it. I just hope it would be worth it.

"Your girlfriend?" There was some hatred in his words, but I pretended not to notice.

"We dated for a year and some months. We broke up, though." I didn't want to mention seeing him was the reason, but I sure hoped he could somehow figure it out on his own.

"How's your sight going on?" He asked after an eternity of silence. He was still not facing me, but there was some fondness in his voice I didn't know I missed until it finally reached my ears one more time.

"Well, I got the operation once I came here, but…well, I guess you can tell from the new glasses and the stick that it didn't work too well." I heard him repress a laugh at that and it was the most wonderful sound I had ever heard in my entire life and it was back into my life. And the best part was…if I managed to do things right this time, I could keep it with me forever. "I've miss you, Satoru," I said lower than before. It was almost like I didn't want him to know – it was a secret I had kept even from myself ever since I took the plane from Tokyo to New York and it felt wonderful to say it out loud. He didn't say anything after a couple of minutes after I said it, which made me worried. Maybe he had found another man, a bigger, better one. One that wouldn't lie to him.

"Why did you do it?" He said, finally turning around. "I would've listened to you…you know that, right? I would've stood next to you no matter what you chose." Oh, no. Where was that chuckle from before? Where was that joking tone I had gotten from me? Seriousness didn't go well with him. Neither did sadness. And the worst part of it was that I was the reason he was talking that way.

"I'm sorry. I know I said that before and I know it's no way near enough, but I just…I was going to tell you, I swear I was." His expression changed at that. Confusion mixed with surprised mixed with anger. "What changed my mind was…that you were scouted here. I knew you would, but…I knew I would probably not get a job here even if I slept with the coach, so…I decided to make our last tournament as long as possible." He opened his mouth, but I kept talking before he had the chance to interrupt me. "I didn't have time to think it over. One minute everything was going as planned and the next one…I was faced between not playing for the remains of the season or keep going and play for as long as possible without telling anyone about my condition."

"It broke me when I heard about it, you know."

"I know, and I'll never forgive myself for that."

I took a couple of steps forward slowly, almost asking for permission before taking the next one. He never said anything, but I could feel his body tensing with each step I took. It took me a while, but I eventually found myself face to face with him. I was so close I could faintly feel his breathing. It was quiet for a while – there was nobody else out in the field but us since those who weren't at the gym where probably hitting the showers or having something to eat by now – and all that could be heard were his heavy pants for air and my barely normal breathing.

"We won last year." Was the first thing he said.

"I know. Congratulations." There was not an ounce of irony in my voice and it surprised both him and I.

"The team missed you."

"Every team misses its previous captain."

There was more silence after that. I was starting to wonder if I had said the right things. I was no longer wondering if going had been a good idea or a bad one: I was sure it was one of the best decisions I had taken in a while, but I didn't know how well my choice of words had been, and if I used to find it hard to read him back when we were in high school, you can surely imagine how much I was struggling to read his expressions after not seeing him for 2 years and my sight barely not being there.

"I missed you…Kazuya," he whispered and I found it easy to breathe once again.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," I said with the biggest smile I had ever smiled and lifted my arms to hug him. It was good that he understood what I was going for and finally put my arms around him before wrapping his around me and nuzzling his head against mine.

"I'm all sweaty."

"I wouldn't take it any other way." I hugged him harder and we stayed like that, quietly embracing each other. No words needed to be said – we both knew what the other was thinking and that was all we needed.

"Promise me you won't keep secrets from me ever again."

"I promise."

"Especially if it's concerning your health."

"I promise."

"And that you'll never leave me."

I pushed him just enough so that he could see my face.

"Now, why would I ever want to do that?"

**This was supposed to be all funny and cute, but somewhere along the way, these 2 decided to get deep and personal, hence the little drama before the happy ending.****  
><strong>**Once again, thank you so much for reading the story. Whether you just started or have been following for a while: thank you very much.****  
><strong>**And also, one last big thanks to exiax for the help, the betas, the support, the fanart and...well, the everything.****  
><strong>**See you next chapter!**


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